The Mask Of Chronic Illness

The caption above says it all!

I just want to be normal again and yet, I know it's impossible, I want to be able to feel, walk, and live from day to day knowing my family and I will be okay. Every time I think I have the answers it's as if the universe has a different plan. I always feel as if I'm letting someone down, and yet I've spent most of the time letting myself down. I have always been the caretaker, I have absolutely no idea how to let anyone take care of me. I know it seems on the surface like I can let others help but in reality I have no clue how.

Diseases such as Rheumatoid Arthritis, and many other chronic illnesses take over ones life, challenges regarding home life, and work, everyone is different, and most of us look well.Looking well is great, on the other hand masks the disease.

I went back to school for Mind & Body Wellness after suffering in pain for several years with no answers. Exhausted after multiple doctors visits, and no pain medications or treatment options given to me, why not get a degree? I spent all my free time looking for ways to save myself from misery. My major was hypnotherapy, although I also studied aromatherapy, herbal medicine, life coaching and flower essence therapy. Life with autoimmune diseases is ever changing, you make plans with family, friends, or you have job responsibilities, and the disease takes over. It constantly changes from day to day. Your life becomes like a roller coaster of emotion, and pain. Having Rheumatoid Arthritis a typical day goes like this; I wake up very stiff and sore, I can barley move,  the days of sleep rejuvenating me are over! Once I finally find a way to stand up with my stiff joints, I make it to the side of the bed, now slowly one foot in front of the other wishing I could loosen up to walk faster to the bathroom before I pee myself. Finally my body makes its way to the bathroom, and I fall down onto the seat because my legs aren't working yet. During my morning routine I drop my toothpaste, my hair looks a mess but my arms hurt to much to even try brushing the tangles out, so I just grab all the hair and throw it up in a bun. At least splashing soap and water on my face is still somewhat easy. Time to make the coffee, that usually goes okay unless one of my family members left dishes in the sink, because then as I try to bend over to put them in the dishwasher I lose my balance and almost fall. Now the coffee is finally brewed, just in time for me to sit down, and I'm so tired and aching I'm happy to sit down and rest. As the day goes on I cannot find a way to sit that's comfortable. I go from sitting to standing to laying and praying that today I could just feel normal. You would think I would forget after the disease is around for so long what it was like not to have pain, stiffness, or immobility. The worst part about chronic illness is that most of us never look sick. People like myself receive comments like "You look great how could you be sick?" then comments such as "Look at that lazy person just faking an illness to live off  the government." People need to get a reality check, because if I get disability through social security that is my hard earned money that was taken out of my paycheck for the past 40 years, so apparently you're not very educated. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, if your not ill then it's hard to understand.

I found out through my journey that treating Autoimmune diseases is a guessing game, the doctors try very hard but these diseases are hard to diagnose. I believe in alternative therapy, this is a list of things I currently use:

Hypnotherapy
Flower Essences
Essential Oils
Homeopathy
Herbs
CBD oil & cream
Meditation
Anti-inflammatory diet

Anyone suffering from chronic illness needs a support system often depression, and pain follow you through the day. See these links for info on autoimmune diseases & related research:
 http://www.aarda.org/disease-list/
http://www.halpin.org/community-links.html