Waking Up To Who You Are

This is true, part of this journey is shedding who we are. Most of who we are before “we wake up”, has all been our ego. There can be parts of us prior to awakening that are taken along on the journey, only the things that came from heart, and soul. I worked as a Medical Assistant and Aesthetician for 35 years. Over the last ten years I became very stressed and lost my way. I started out as a healer, and had a compassionate soul. I always loved my clients. Unfortunately, due to the type of business it demanded cosmetic procedure sales, and skin care sales. I became a very successful at sales, everyone said I could sell ice cream to Eskimos. My ego loved the attention. I was an expert in skin care why not make big sales.

A couple years back a member of a group told me I was egotistical, I was so upset. I was shook, I’m a caring, and loving individual. She was right I had much work to do. The journey was very dark at first, I started by asking those close to me to be brutally honest about me. I wanted to know from them where to start. After my husband told me that I never back down, and control everything, it made me think about the arguments we’ve had. For two weeks I was in a severe depression ( I have a depressive disorder). I was crying, sleeping, writing my dark sided poetry. Then I emerged, I had discovered on this particular journey to the dark night of soul that I’m the cause of most arguments. I can never let someone else be right, I always have to be the leader. Somewhere during my life I had decided I needed to control everything. My control issues were due to parental abandonment issues, and my brother and I cuddled in a hiding spot when my parents were fighting. My ego became very controlling, if I could take control I could keep us safe and I wouldn’t be hurt. This behavior obviously started out as a way to keep us safe and make sure my brother knew he was loved. From there my ego grew into a monster. I was now controlling everything my family did. You have to understand I thought this was showing how much I loved them. This all goes back to childhood I needed that inner child healing. My beautiful little soul became this strong, controlling, manipulative ego. I needed to protect myself at all costs from pain, and abandonment. I’m happy to say that my husband, my children, and I are in a better place. It was almost like a 12 step program, acknowledging the ones I’ve hurt, truly listening with my mouth closed ears and heart open. The thing I believe really saved my life is gaining the wisdom to heal my soul, becoming humble and weak. Having faith in God, and Goddess, and letting their divine light emerge in my soul. Obviously I’m a work in progress, and yet I have a calling to share divine wisdom.

The thing I want you to understand is that these journeys to the darkness will happen again, just remember a beautiful lotus emerges out of muddy water. This is only part of my story, and I’m happy to help all souls through their journey, as I go through mine.




Many blessings, love, and light❤️

Michele Marchese



#darknightofsoul #ego #heart #soul #innerchild #awakening